There have been many times where I am sitting in meditation class at the Brampton Meditation Centre or on service inspiring others to come closer to their truth and I feel full, content and light. As I am coming home, I reflect on what I have learnt and experienced and wish to hold onto this feeling of contentment for the whole day.
As I walk into the house, I quickly sense all that is wrong. It is like a superpower. In seconds I know what has not been done that should have been and what has been done that should not have been. In seconds I feel disappointed, angry and go to blame. I start barking with “why did you” or “I told you”. It does not go well. They are looking for connection, appreciation and love. I am giving correction, passing judgment and am furious. This pattern occurred almost a hundred times over the last few years.
Finally, I was so frustrated at myself that I was not being able to hold onto the beautiful feelings that were created. I was disappointed in myself because I wanted to share this part of me with my family. I realized I was so attached to what I expected them to do. I felt disrespected when the house was messy when I returned, or their task list not completed.
I continued to plan out lovingly what needed to get done while I was away, however promised myself no more disappointment. I was working on being loving and detached. To sustain my pure feelings and value their feelings were more important to me than a list. I reminded myself of this promise on the way home every time. The first thing I would do when I came home was that I connected with them. I saw them. I sat with them and asked them how they were doing and shared my experiences. I listened to some choices they made in changing of the discussed plans. I practiced appreciated them as beings and not doers. I practiced listening without judgement. Sometimes nothing got done for no good reason and I learned to accept that. If their chores or homework were not completed then they couldn’t watch a movie or they would have to finish them the next day.
One day I came home and there was peanut butter all over the counter and pickle juice all over the floor and they were watching a movie in the other room! Old ‘me’ would have yelled and punished and lost my peace. New ‘me’ observed and smiled and gently invited them to the kitchen. I calmly asked what happened and suggested they clean up and they cooperated.
Not only did I keep my peace for myself, I maintained the peace in the house. The icing on the cake was that after the clean up, the counters and floors were sparkling!