When I was young I wanted freedom so bad. I thought freedom was going out with my friends, staying out late, having a part-time job. It wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Desperate to find my wings, I moved out to go to school. Finally, freedom. I thought having my own career as an educator was me finding out who I was. I didn’t realize there were many restrictions due to government, the union, the curriculum, the board, and then administration. I experienced little freedom in how to teach and share with parents. Creativity turned into rules, parameters, and evaluations. Getting married and starting a family and creating a home, was sure to give me what this soul was yearning for. Completely wrong! The responsibility to be married, to manage a house and raise kids was filled with duty, expectations, and bondages. It was filled with stress, frustration, resentment, disappointment and anger. I was so far from feeling free. That is how I would describe post-partum depression: a prisoner to my negative thoughts and feelings.
It wasn’t until coming to Raja Yoga, what I practice at the Brampton Meditation Centre, did I realize that freedom was not in relationships, in matter or a job. True freedom can only be experienced in the mind. I needed to heal my heart and empower my intellect so I could experience freedom in my present and therefore my future. I had to first see all the strings of attachment I had created and slowly start letting go of them. I had to be in my self-respect, live in my courage and truth to discover my freedom once again.
I have to say that after many years of this practice I have tasted true freedom. There are still a few strings remaining. A few that were ropes and now thread-like. I few knots that seemed impossible to untie and are now unravelling and melting away. The soul, like a hot air balloon, like a bird, can now take off!
After experiencing freedom in my mind and in my actions, I can now see when I feel pulled or restricted. I look at what I am holding onto or resisting. I look at what I need to let go of and hold on to faith.
When I the soul surrender to who I am and let go of who I am not, I experience my true nature: free as a bird, free to fly, free to come and go as I choose.